Money Guilt

This is a new thing for me. I have never experienced this except in this relationship. Last week we went to canada. To visit my family who have not seen our new baby yet. When I originally planned it we got into a huge fight. I was

"Taking time away from our son because I was selfish." The trip should wait a  few years.

This is unacceptable to me. Especially because we took trips to see his aunt in Wisconsin that cost more $$ than this trip. This is my father, and my sister, our sons only great grandmother.

He accused me of being selfish. Of not caring about my baby.

now my father paid for our plane tickets, our hotel, our cabin for 7 nights, and all of our food and half of our gas. We spent about $600 on the rental car and our drive back to the airport plus some food that he just had to have.

While there it was a fiasco. I never heard him thank my father for his generosity. My dad spent over $2000 for our trip. Now my father grows medicinaly marijuana  for himself and a few terminally ill people. His house does smell a little like it. Not too bad its just a plant and is all organic. We went on this trip knowing this. We visited my dad for the first 4 days without any issues. It was wonderful to see my son with his canada family.  Well the fifth day I accidentelly stepped on my boyfriends foot. He got really ad and declared that me and my sone were not allowed to go to my dads anymore to visit because it smelled like marijuana. Then he obsessivly smelled everything from then on to prove his point. My dad visited us thank god and if he had this reservation we would have stayed somewhere else and my dad could have planned to stay with us there. He had no issues until that moment.

He was rude and condescending. He also of course never helped me which sucked the last four days because i didn't have my family to help me since I could not go to where they were and everyone but my dad was so offended by his behavior they would not visit us.

Also he told my son "You are so fucking annoying" when he bit him. Hes getting teeth and likes to bite your shirt. I would say one out of 50 times he gets your skin a little. Hes a teething baby. And has been doing really good. Then we fought about that which I think also added to my not being able to visit my dad. He is so controlling.

So fast forward we are home now. He has not been at work for 10 days. He does not help me pack or anything before durring or after the trip. He is constantly on me about $$ which is stupid because he has no idea how much $$ he has. He has no idea his car payment or anything. So yesterday hes at work and realized he is behind on some sales numbers. So decides he needs to spend $400 to help fix it. Today he still behind and is going to spend $700..... But I am selfish for wanting to see my family. He sold a few of the items that I used to make a little enclosure for our son to safely play in to help pay for it. Its still $900 and now I don't have anywhere to put my son so I can work or do dishes.

I brought up to him that I want to go to school and he told me no. because I need to go back to work  until he pays off the rest of his debt. But if i talk about my debt he either ignores me or tells me one thing at a time.

10\6\11

So tonight I got the baby to sleep after making bf a chocolate cake. Today was rough. Baby didn't  feel good and threw up all over the carpet. The internet was down so I got almost no work done and the curtain rod pulled out of the wall in the bedroom. So I get baby to sleep and the internet is up so I decide to get some work done. Bf comes into the living room and tells me to come to his bed. Which can only mean one thing. I tell him no I am working. He says just for a little bit. So I say fine in 10 minutes I will. So 5 minutes later he bangs on the wall. I ignore it because I am finishing a task. So he bangs again and wakes up the baby

 I go in there after getting the little guy back to sleep.  I tell him he woke up the baby and to stop it. He tells me no that I woke the baby because I got up. I don't want to argue so I do what he wants and go back to the living room to sleep.

Sigh..

The other day at am after cleaning and trying to do some work while the baby and him were sleeping he wakes up and I ask him if he wants me to rub his back for a little bit. So I do for a half an hour then I rub a muscle in his hip that has been bothering him lately for a few minutes and tell him I am going to bed. He yells at me telling me to keep on rubbing his hips because if he had known He would have had me rub them and not his back at all.

Then a few days before that I walked into his room to get his clothes ready for the next morning and he asks me "Who is coming over?" I tell him "You are dreaming go back to sleep no one is coming over." He replies with "Just tell me who is coming over!" I tell him again "No one is coming over go back to sleep." To which he replies. "Oh so you are saying no one is ever coming over ever again?" very sarcastically. I just ignored him and left the room.

Even his subconscious hates me.

Parenting Tip number 459539435ghtr

The other day its was late and my son was hungry. I layed him down by his dad because I knew the baby was tired and wanted to get his pj's and a new diaper on him before he nursed to sleep for the night. When he started to cry because he's hungry and his food is leaving the area my boyfriend starts to explain to me that I have created a monster who has severe separation anxiety because I don't let him cry it out all day long in his crib and I let him sleep by me at night.

(Me and the baby had to move to the living room to sleep because sometimes I fall asleep with the baby in the bad and this hurts his back so we have to sleep on the floor in the living room.)

He plays by himself all the time. How can I be a bad mom every day??

WHAT?

A few years ago my brother gave us a little house plant.  I watered it once and it didn't do well so my boyfriend has taken it upon himself to care for the plant. I was told to never water it again. Well yesterday he yells at me because I never water it and now it is dieing. Guess why its dieing. From stem rot. Guess what causes that? Too much water. But its my fault.

Then the other day he told me he wanted french fries for dinner so I was making him some. We have a plastic skimmer for removing stuff from hot liquid. Poached eggs, out of hot water, fried foods out of hot oil. Its  a Teflon safe thing so its made for heat.

So I am removing the french fries when he walks in. Now he never cooks for himself and did not cook before i met him. He starts telling me that I am poisoning him with toxic plastic. I explain that the item is made for this task and is tempered for the heat. he tells me I am wrong and he can smell the toxic fumes from the melting plastic. It was not melting. I have used this exact item for this same task at least 100 times over the past three years. IT IS WHAT IT IS MADE FOR.

Then the day before that I was making mushrooms for spaghetti. The man who never cooks came in to tell me I am doing it wrong and I have ruined the mushrooms and the spaghetti now.... I used to run a restaurant people!

Woah

So My boyfriends controlling and mean behavior has started to get  a little weird. The past month or two he has tarted making comments about "Putting me in my place" or giving me a black eye or violence in general.

He has always banged around a lot when angry and it definitely makes me feel uncomfortable. But now I am concerned a little bit with this new development.

He also says morbid things. Like the other day the baby dropped his toy on the floor in the car and he said.

"You dropped it, it's dead now. You never get to see it again."

This is to weird.

4th of July

So I caved and we went to visit my boyfriends parents on 4th of July. Again it was a train wreck

We made a plan to leave our house at around 7pm to avoid the heat and traffic. Well 5pm rolls around and I get a call from my boyfriend. He is downs stairs and wants me to bring the baby and everything down so we can leave. I tell him that I am not ready to leave and we are going to leave at 7pm. He tells me no and he wants to leave right now. So I ask him to come up and help me then. He can;t his back hurts. So he hangs out down stairs while I throw all the stuff together and make three trips up and down our three flights of stairs to get everything in the car. I am exhausted and angry by the time I get in the car that he has to control everything I do and CANNOT help me with his crazy demands.

 SO we get there and they always have a bed for my son but I usually don't have him sleep in it due to their sheets being washed in stuff that irritates his skin. Well they bought all the right stuff and made his bed as scent free as possible. Then whined that he needs to sleep in this bed they made him. So that night I lay him down in it and he screams. I pick him up. I lay him down he screams. Then of course my boyfriend. "She lets him sleep by her and now he refuses to sleep in his bed." This is not true he always sleeps in his bed until around 7am when I want a few more hours of sleep. I cave and let him sleep on his bouncer.

My boyfriends mother has a weird issue where she likes to take my son where i cant see him. I am sure you read the MIL post. Well this upsets him because he is usually hungry and so on. Well at on point she takes him to her room. I walk in after about 20 minutes. She is showing his videos on YouTube. Videos sexy women dancing and even more disturbing of toddlers in swimsuits acting sexy at beauty pageants. I take him away from her to which she protests that he was enjoying the videos. Totally not appropriate.

So that night I try to lay him in that damn bed again and instantly crying again. When I go to pick him up something stabs me. I look and the is a clear thumb tack in there. After I took it out and rocked the poor guy back to sleep he fell asleep fine in there.

There is no office in there, its just a guest room. No reason for a thumbtack to be in there. Nothing on the walls.

So the next morning I am exhausted from lack of sleep partly from the fussy baby from the two nights there and from trying to figure out what the ef is going on. So as you know my boyfriend has almost nothing to do with the baby. So at one point the baby is super tired. But he needs a bath because he is covered in hives from his grandpas aftershave that I have asked him a few times not to wear. And his wonky sleep from the thumb tack. So I hand the baby to my boyfriend. He is tired, hungry and needs a bath. I am going to jump in the shower and rinse off. Bring me the baby in 2 minutes. He needs a bath then Ill nurse him to sleep.

I tell him this in front of him parents. I tell him not to let him fall asleep because he is hungry and will wake up after 20 minuted to eat and miss out on the long nap he and I need.

So after two minutes I yell "I am ready."..... nothing.... So I yell again.... nothing..... I get out and yell out the door maybe they can't hear me.... Nothing.... I get out and ask him whats going on.

His mother took the baby into her room and rocked him to sleep. In that two minutes. After I TOLD THEM NOT TO DO THAT. HE was up 20 minutes later to eat and I was livid.

Before we decided to see his parents I had plans with my cousin for 4th of July which we canceled. I agreed to go there because at the school where there are fireworks they have an astro turf field and boyfriend is allergic to grass (as well as everything else on the face of the earth). I want to lay on blanket and watch the fireworks with my son so he can play and roll and all of those things because he is an antsy baby. So it rains that morning and I didn't bring a tarp with me. So I ask his dad if he has a tarp we can lay down under the blanket in case the astro turf is wet.

He tells me that we are just going to watch it from the car.

I tell him no that there is no way my son would sit in the car like that.

He tells me well he cant sit on a blanket cause of his back (does this sound familiar)

I tell him I saw some of those camping chairs in the garage.

He tells me he cannot sit and look up at the fireworks (which you look up in the car)

I tell him then if he doesn't have  a tarp to let me know now so I can go buy one because I am sitting in the grass with my kid.

My boyfriend then tells him to get a tarp out of the garage.

He again says he doesn't have one.

Then his mom says honey just go get one.

He still says he doesn't have one.

So then I say what about a thick blanket?

He still denies it.

So I get my keys and low and behold he appears with  a think painters blanket. All folded up and hands it to me pretty angrily and guess what falls out of it. A clear thumb tack... Identical to the one that was in the babies bed.

I just can't wait for this to be over now. I am so tired, sore, and over dealing with my bf and his parents I just want to go back home.

So we start driving to the fireworks. And right before we get to the school the bf and his dad turn into a church parking lot.  Where they get yelled at for parking because it is for Church people only. They ignore the man trying to direct the traffic and park. I ask why are we parked here and the boyfriend tells me there is not parking at the school. I ask how could he know that we didn't even go to the school. Then his dad tells me all of the fields are closed and you can't see the fireworks from there. Which is opposite of the website.

So I get out and see a path that connects the church to the school. So I say oh we can just walk up that. They tell me it doesn't connect to the church it just looks like it does. So I go to investigate. I see that you have to walk for about 25 feet on a side road to get to the path that goes to the school.

So I go back to get my son and He is in his stroller and the boyfriend has laid down the blanket in some random desert. and tells me "Leave the baby in his stroller he cant sit on this blanket."

I freak out. Asking why he layed it down there. God knows what animals are in this area. He tells me that I am putting my sons life in danger by walking on that road for 25 feet and I cannot take him over to the school.

I make him get up. The blanket is covered in burs and I take my son and the stroller and head in the direction of the path. He follows me and his dad tries to intervene. "Lets just all sit in the car." I keep going. His mom follows me and the boyfriend does too I walk up to the school. There is lots of parking available in the parking lot. I get to the field and pick out the burs and watch the fireworks with my kid.

I HATE BEING MANIPULATED!

Parenting Tip Number B49395544

We have to use letters now because there are no more numbers. My hair is now a choking hazard that is going to kill my son while he is asleep if he sleeps by me. Even though I always wear my hair up. Somehow it is going to get in his throat.

My son sleeps in his bed except for when he nurses. And in the am when I want one more hour of sleep but I Sleep at the foot off the bed and him in the middle. My BF doesn't beleive me though because he wakes up sometimes when I'm nursing him so he thinks hes always in the bed. Even if he did. I have never heard of a baby choking on hair.

crawfish

We recently went to the Chinese market and bought fish. My boyfriend thought it would be fun to buy some crawfish too so he bought 4. While making dinner dinner forgot about them. They somehow survived the night (well three did). He decided to put them in a bowl of water and give them meat. Three days go by. I change the water and so on. I finally get fed up and tell him to throw them out. I first have to explain why its a bad idea to flush three crawfish down the toilette. He finally throws them away but leaves the bowl and the counter alone and tells me. " the counter is off limits until you bleach it." what??? Its his stupid fish. I tell him to do it. He ignores me.... Twice. So I don't have bleach so I use ammonia and then soapy water then hot water.  Which is not good enough. So I set a package of bread on the counter which triggers attacks from him about how gross I am. How could I put bread on there (in the package) . So after this the counter is off limits for 2 days before I get bleach.

Baby has a cough.

My son has a cough. It started mild and is getting a little worse. I figured its from allergies since his eyes also water and he sneezes. It also could be from his grandma who also has a cough.

Guess where my boyfriend decided he has gotten it from. First reason is I don't dust enough. The second reason is I nurse the baby laying down.

Again. My fault.

What are you talking about?

We recently went to visit my boyfriends parents. I felt bad that we pushed it because his mother did not seem to feel well. Well at the end of the night when we are driving home he proceeds to tell me that I did not let his parents hold the baby enough... His mother is still recovering from rotator cuff surgery. She took a three hour nap and was so sick from her meds and cried out in pain when she tried to get out of bed. His dad held the baby a lot but my boyfriend was not in the room when that happened he was playing on the computer.  How much more should I have let them hold him??? This started a cascade of how much I suck again. Concluding with the fact that when I make him dinner EVERY EFING NIGHT I don't close the silverware drawer. Needless to say I was livid. I got us all ready to go, even getting his clothes ready. I packed all of the the babies stuff. Changed every diaper, changed every outfit, held him when he cried. He didn't do anything.

The night before out of desperation I asked him if he could help me clean the house up. He had taken a half day at work. He took all the dirty dishes and piled them in a pile. Too bad at the top of the pile he put a whole pan of oil from when I fried some meat earlier and it soaked all of the dishes in oil. Making me having to do the dishes a million times harder, He then went to bed and left me to do everything again.

I slept on the couch. How can he always find ways that I suck after I work so hard to do everything for him????

boyfriend parenting tip number 3498

Babies don't die from crying. So let the baby cry for two hours so you can sleep because if you don't get enough sleep you might make a mistake... (insert silent insinuation here)

What?

How much sex do you have? I am too busy to catch up. When he complains he needs it because he went so long without  when I was on bed rest I remind him of all the blow jobs in the hospital and at home at least 5 times a week. Guess what!?! They dont count. Guess why!?! Because he had to stand because I wasn't allowed out of bed. He said he was kidding but he has said it three more times as a defense when I say no. He must really think it.

MIL

My SOs mother is a nice woman don't get me wrong. But the she does these crazy things and I don't know what to think. When I had the baby we all agreed that just me and him in the room, I have lost two babies at 18 weeks and delivery is such a personal scary and intense moment for me I didnt want anyone else there. When we lost my daughter people were in the room and I did not want to go that route again. After he was born she came in super fast. She made it sound like she walked by and heard him cry and came in. When we asked her to tell everyone so they could come in she refused and obsessivly took pictures of his umbilical chord. We had to send a nurse. I found out later from my mom that she was  recording his birth on her phone outside the door. now labor for me is very personal I felt super violated not to mention she was showing everyone the reccording as prrof that she got to be there when no one else was allowed. She also kept trying to help be breastfeed and kept upsetting the baby. How the ef can someone help you? She was literally grabbing my bood and trying to push the baby into it.  I had to ask her to leave multiple times and the nurse had to make her leave a few times because she would not listen.

 So then Her husband and her come and visit for the first week. Where she literally holds him like a rag doll she's got him on her knee on his tummy sitting by himself on the couch falling over I was constantly getting him from her. So then her husband makes a video of his first week and sends it to their whole family. When i was in labor they came in the room for maybe an hour. I thought her husband was taking photos nope the first part of the video is me breathing through contractions. I look terrible and i again felt super violated because he shared it with everyone. So i guess I'm just really upset still this might be my only birthing experience and all i can remember is these things. So my SO confronted her about a couple of them she falls to the floor sobbing. Then blames my mom for talking a lot in the waiting room. That's why she was lurking out there and if it wasnt for her we would not have any phtots of the lojack on his chord. There's 6 separate waiting rooms in that hospital. Then later tells me she's super mad at my SO because how dare he say what he said to her, so he told me to just leave it be. Apparently the crying freak outs were how she was his whole life its the end of any issue because they don't want to upset her.

Also i decided to cloth diaper when i was on bedrest in the hospital. I made it clear to not buy disposable because i didn't want us to be tempted. While baby was in the nicu they used disposable and he got the worst diaper rash. His dad has super super sensitive skin. So we get home and his parents are there. I go to put my coat away and in the top of the coat closet is a 250 pack of generic diapers. They bought them And stashed them there.i don't know why . i made them take them back which she was mad about.

So fast foreward to my birthday we drove up to see them. I was doing great trying not to be bitter about the labor. Birthdays are not a big deal to us so i didn't care. My SO and my son are allergic to fragrance and pollen dust mold and so on. When i get in there she has put 5 mini rose plants for my birthday in every room we use, the bathroom the bedroom everywhere. I brought bedding for the baby because he's allergic to the scent in their fabric softener. She is also allergic to all of these things she just takes a bunch of meds. So first they are mad that I switch the babies bedding cause this smells like a spring breeze. The baby was cluster feeding that weekend so every hour even though the night. At one point im exhausted so I  leave my SO with the baby. I should tell you now we do not cry it out he is a baby and i get him when he cries I tell them to come and get me when he's hungry or cries. So I expect to wake up in and hour I wake up and my SO is next to me he decided to take a nap as well. So I look at the clock and it has been three hours. My baby should have eaten 2 times and has at least 2 diaper changes. So I get up and I can hear him crying muffled. So I go to the other side of the house and she has him in her room with the door shut so I wouldn't hear him. I asked her why the hell didn't she get me she said because I was sleeping. I go to grab him he's naked from the waste down. I asked her again what happened. 2 hours before that he pooed and she didn't want to wake me to get a diaper. So she had been wrapping him in towels ...the towels that she uses her fabric softener on. 6 of them so far. So I change the baby and nurse him I ask her how long he was crying. She said 30 minutes which is the longest he has ever cried. Then she goes on to tell me that the first time he cried he gave up after 40 minutes. Poor guy was starving and had a dirty diaper and she just let him cry. He got a bad rash on his lower body from her toels and wouldn't let me put him down the rest of the day when we got home. He held my hand the whole car ride and sniffle home.

I am secretly super upset still over these events. My boyfriend thinks I am being ridiculous. I just know that his parents can never be alone with the baby ever.

Mob mentality.

I recently spent a fun but exhausting 10 days with my boyfriend and his aunt. My boyfriend does not help me at all. I change all diapers, all clothes, I am the only one to wake up with the baby in the night, I am the only one to bathe him. Aside from maybe 30 minutes of holding him every other day and only if hes not fussy or wiggly my boyfriend is pretty uninvolved. Well though uninvovled he has decided that he is a baby expert and is constantly harassing my about how or what I am doing to the baby. I ignore him for the most part because if I said anything it would be a magical waterfall of never ending freakout that would last for at least three days of me screaming about all of the things he does and doesn't do that bug the crap out of me. Well this trip every weird crazy thing he decided was a baby fact all of a sudden was also picked up by his aunt and they became chickens pecking me to death with weird made up baby facts and misinformation. My boyfriend decided wind was the root cause of ear infections. For ten days I heard constantly from his aunt the second we went outside. " Oh no I hope the wind doesn't give him an ear infection." Then affirmed by my expert baby daddy. Also the cold causes a cold.... sure it can cause the cold in the air is made up of viruses. Now mix this idea with an elderly woman and a man who has smoked for 20 years and add their terrible circulation and pretty much my baby and me sweated to death the entire time because all of my pleas to turn the heat down's were ignored by the freezing people. All while being attacked with "Isn't he cold?" "He needs a jacket hes going to get sick."  " I sure hope he doesn't get sick because you took his pants off." My poor kid was sweating through his onsies. I kept haveing to pretend I wanted to sit outside on the patio to try and cool him off which then brought on the " Nooooooo not outside! Wind! Ear infections! Cold! Sick!" Well the best part? Baby is so hot guess what happens? "He's got a fever!!!!" Guess who has to take his teperature constatly? Oh yes me. He never has a fever, at one point hes got a 99.1 temperature. But guess what fixed it? Yep stripping him down to his diaper. Then lets add my boyfriends concern that the baby sleeping by me will kill him from sids. Its called crib death for a reason. And he doesn't sleep by me all night. I usually grab the baby at the end of the night at his 6 am wakeup and let him hang out by me until he falls asleep. We get up at 7 when dad wakes up anyways. But he doesn't listen to me explain this because hes the expert and efing sleeps through the night and never gets up for the baby. Well while on vacation in a weird place I let the baby sleep by me a lot more. Because the bed she had was well a sheet on cardboard and I didn't want to wake up ever 45 minutes like I did the first two nights I put him in there. This brought on constant talk of him, first never sleeping in his own bed and always sleeping with us until hes 5, then to him not even surviving that long because of sids.  Constant chatter from the baby expert and affirmation from his aunt. Now I got no sleep pretty much the whole vacation. Our bed is in the living room whenever me and the baby try to nap guess what happens? ITS TV TIME! They literally sit 5 feet from me and the kid chatting talking laughing and watching loud tv. So what happens? Baby wakes up.  But guess why hes up? Because he can't sleep in his own bed because I always let him sleep with me. I was so glad to leave.

Leave my kid alone.... You boarderline baby Pedophile.

I recently went on a 10 day trip to see my boyfriends family. That I will complain about more later. But after a 5 hour flight I am in the gross bathroom changing my hungry overtired 4 month old son. He is naked and I am trying to get him changed when a strange lady comes over and gets in his face. Before I can tell her to back the ef off of my naked baby, he starts screaming his head off.  What the hell is wrong with people??? I don't open stall doors to watch you pee! Why the hell would you get in our space when I'm changing his diaper. Plus you just made the 2 minutes I had left a 10 minute ordeal of screaming crying and poop everywhere fiasco because you don't have boundaries. Next time I'm going to grab the diaper and squish your (much to close) face in it. When did it become ok to get so close to other peoples babies????