Money Guilt

This is a new thing for me. I have never experienced this except in this relationship. Last week we went to canada. To visit my family who have not seen our new baby yet. When I originally planned it we got into a huge fight. I was

"Taking time away from our son because I was selfish." The trip should wait a  few years.

This is unacceptable to me. Especially because we took trips to see his aunt in Wisconsin that cost more $$ than this trip. This is my father, and my sister, our sons only great grandmother.

He accused me of being selfish. Of not caring about my baby.

now my father paid for our plane tickets, our hotel, our cabin for 7 nights, and all of our food and half of our gas. We spent about $600 on the rental car and our drive back to the airport plus some food that he just had to have.

While there it was a fiasco. I never heard him thank my father for his generosity. My dad spent over $2000 for our trip. Now my father grows medicinaly marijuana  for himself and a few terminally ill people. His house does smell a little like it. Not too bad its just a plant and is all organic. We went on this trip knowing this. We visited my dad for the first 4 days without any issues. It was wonderful to see my son with his canada family.  Well the fifth day I accidentelly stepped on my boyfriends foot. He got really ad and declared that me and my sone were not allowed to go to my dads anymore to visit because it smelled like marijuana. Then he obsessivly smelled everything from then on to prove his point. My dad visited us thank god and if he had this reservation we would have stayed somewhere else and my dad could have planned to stay with us there. He had no issues until that moment.

He was rude and condescending. He also of course never helped me which sucked the last four days because i didn't have my family to help me since I could not go to where they were and everyone but my dad was so offended by his behavior they would not visit us.

Also he told my son "You are so fucking annoying" when he bit him. Hes getting teeth and likes to bite your shirt. I would say one out of 50 times he gets your skin a little. Hes a teething baby. And has been doing really good. Then we fought about that which I think also added to my not being able to visit my dad. He is so controlling.

So fast forward we are home now. He has not been at work for 10 days. He does not help me pack or anything before durring or after the trip. He is constantly on me about $$ which is stupid because he has no idea how much $$ he has. He has no idea his car payment or anything. So yesterday hes at work and realized he is behind on some sales numbers. So decides he needs to spend $400 to help fix it. Today he still behind and is going to spend $700..... But I am selfish for wanting to see my family. He sold a few of the items that I used to make a little enclosure for our son to safely play in to help pay for it. Its still $900 and now I don't have anywhere to put my son so I can work or do dishes.

I brought up to him that I want to go to school and he told me no. because I need to go back to work  until he pays off the rest of his debt. But if i talk about my debt he either ignores me or tells me one thing at a time.

10\6\11

So tonight I got the baby to sleep after making bf a chocolate cake. Today was rough. Baby didn't  feel good and threw up all over the carpet. The internet was down so I got almost no work done and the curtain rod pulled out of the wall in the bedroom. So I get baby to sleep and the internet is up so I decide to get some work done. Bf comes into the living room and tells me to come to his bed. Which can only mean one thing. I tell him no I am working. He says just for a little bit. So I say fine in 10 minutes I will. So 5 minutes later he bangs on the wall. I ignore it because I am finishing a task. So he bangs again and wakes up the baby

 I go in there after getting the little guy back to sleep.  I tell him he woke up the baby and to stop it. He tells me no that I woke the baby because I got up. I don't want to argue so I do what he wants and go back to the living room to sleep.

Sigh..

The other day at am after cleaning and trying to do some work while the baby and him were sleeping he wakes up and I ask him if he wants me to rub his back for a little bit. So I do for a half an hour then I rub a muscle in his hip that has been bothering him lately for a few minutes and tell him I am going to bed. He yells at me telling me to keep on rubbing his hips because if he had known He would have had me rub them and not his back at all.

Then a few days before that I walked into his room to get his clothes ready for the next morning and he asks me "Who is coming over?" I tell him "You are dreaming go back to sleep no one is coming over." He replies with "Just tell me who is coming over!" I tell him again "No one is coming over go back to sleep." To which he replies. "Oh so you are saying no one is ever coming over ever again?" very sarcastically. I just ignored him and left the room.

Even his subconscious hates me.

Parenting Tip number 459539435ghtr

The other day its was late and my son was hungry. I layed him down by his dad because I knew the baby was tired and wanted to get his pj's and a new diaper on him before he nursed to sleep for the night. When he started to cry because he's hungry and his food is leaving the area my boyfriend starts to explain to me that I have created a monster who has severe separation anxiety because I don't let him cry it out all day long in his crib and I let him sleep by me at night.

(Me and the baby had to move to the living room to sleep because sometimes I fall asleep with the baby in the bad and this hurts his back so we have to sleep on the floor in the living room.)

He plays by himself all the time. How can I be a bad mom every day??

WHAT?

A few years ago my brother gave us a little house plant.  I watered it once and it didn't do well so my boyfriend has taken it upon himself to care for the plant. I was told to never water it again. Well yesterday he yells at me because I never water it and now it is dieing. Guess why its dieing. From stem rot. Guess what causes that? Too much water. But its my fault.

Then the other day he told me he wanted french fries for dinner so I was making him some. We have a plastic skimmer for removing stuff from hot liquid. Poached eggs, out of hot water, fried foods out of hot oil. Its  a Teflon safe thing so its made for heat.

So I am removing the french fries when he walks in. Now he never cooks for himself and did not cook before i met him. He starts telling me that I am poisoning him with toxic plastic. I explain that the item is made for this task and is tempered for the heat. he tells me I am wrong and he can smell the toxic fumes from the melting plastic. It was not melting. I have used this exact item for this same task at least 100 times over the past three years. IT IS WHAT IT IS MADE FOR.

Then the day before that I was making mushrooms for spaghetti. The man who never cooks came in to tell me I am doing it wrong and I have ruined the mushrooms and the spaghetti now.... I used to run a restaurant people!

Woah

So My boyfriends controlling and mean behavior has started to get  a little weird. The past month or two he has tarted making comments about "Putting me in my place" or giving me a black eye or violence in general.

He has always banged around a lot when angry and it definitely makes me feel uncomfortable. But now I am concerned a little bit with this new development.

He also says morbid things. Like the other day the baby dropped his toy on the floor in the car and he said.

"You dropped it, it's dead now. You never get to see it again."

This is to weird.

4th of July

So I caved and we went to visit my boyfriends parents on 4th of July. Again it was a train wreck

We made a plan to leave our house at around 7pm to avoid the heat and traffic. Well 5pm rolls around and I get a call from my boyfriend. He is downs stairs and wants me to bring the baby and everything down so we can leave. I tell him that I am not ready to leave and we are going to leave at 7pm. He tells me no and he wants to leave right now. So I ask him to come up and help me then. He can;t his back hurts. So he hangs out down stairs while I throw all the stuff together and make three trips up and down our three flights of stairs to get everything in the car. I am exhausted and angry by the time I get in the car that he has to control everything I do and CANNOT help me with his crazy demands.

 SO we get there and they always have a bed for my son but I usually don't have him sleep in it due to their sheets being washed in stuff that irritates his skin. Well they bought all the right stuff and made his bed as scent free as possible. Then whined that he needs to sleep in this bed they made him. So that night I lay him down in it and he screams. I pick him up. I lay him down he screams. Then of course my boyfriend. "She lets him sleep by her and now he refuses to sleep in his bed." This is not true he always sleeps in his bed until around 7am when I want a few more hours of sleep. I cave and let him sleep on his bouncer.

My boyfriends mother has a weird issue where she likes to take my son where i cant see him. I am sure you read the MIL post. Well this upsets him because he is usually hungry and so on. Well at on point she takes him to her room. I walk in after about 20 minutes. She is showing his videos on YouTube. Videos sexy women dancing and even more disturbing of toddlers in swimsuits acting sexy at beauty pageants. I take him away from her to which she protests that he was enjoying the videos. Totally not appropriate.

So that night I try to lay him in that damn bed again and instantly crying again. When I go to pick him up something stabs me. I look and the is a clear thumb tack in there. After I took it out and rocked the poor guy back to sleep he fell asleep fine in there.

There is no office in there, its just a guest room. No reason for a thumbtack to be in there. Nothing on the walls.

So the next morning I am exhausted from lack of sleep partly from the fussy baby from the two nights there and from trying to figure out what the ef is going on. So as you know my boyfriend has almost nothing to do with the baby. So at one point the baby is super tired. But he needs a bath because he is covered in hives from his grandpas aftershave that I have asked him a few times not to wear. And his wonky sleep from the thumb tack. So I hand the baby to my boyfriend. He is tired, hungry and needs a bath. I am going to jump in the shower and rinse off. Bring me the baby in 2 minutes. He needs a bath then Ill nurse him to sleep.

I tell him this in front of him parents. I tell him not to let him fall asleep because he is hungry and will wake up after 20 minuted to eat and miss out on the long nap he and I need.

So after two minutes I yell "I am ready."..... nothing.... So I yell again.... nothing..... I get out and yell out the door maybe they can't hear me.... Nothing.... I get out and ask him whats going on.

His mother took the baby into her room and rocked him to sleep. In that two minutes. After I TOLD THEM NOT TO DO THAT. HE was up 20 minutes later to eat and I was livid.

Before we decided to see his parents I had plans with my cousin for 4th of July which we canceled. I agreed to go there because at the school where there are fireworks they have an astro turf field and boyfriend is allergic to grass (as well as everything else on the face of the earth). I want to lay on blanket and watch the fireworks with my son so he can play and roll and all of those things because he is an antsy baby. So it rains that morning and I didn't bring a tarp with me. So I ask his dad if he has a tarp we can lay down under the blanket in case the astro turf is wet.

He tells me that we are just going to watch it from the car.

I tell him no that there is no way my son would sit in the car like that.

He tells me well he cant sit on a blanket cause of his back (does this sound familiar)

I tell him I saw some of those camping chairs in the garage.

He tells me he cannot sit and look up at the fireworks (which you look up in the car)

I tell him then if he doesn't have  a tarp to let me know now so I can go buy one because I am sitting in the grass with my kid.

My boyfriend then tells him to get a tarp out of the garage.

He again says he doesn't have one.

Then his mom says honey just go get one.

He still says he doesn't have one.

So then I say what about a thick blanket?

He still denies it.

So I get my keys and low and behold he appears with  a think painters blanket. All folded up and hands it to me pretty angrily and guess what falls out of it. A clear thumb tack... Identical to the one that was in the babies bed.

I just can't wait for this to be over now. I am so tired, sore, and over dealing with my bf and his parents I just want to go back home.

So we start driving to the fireworks. And right before we get to the school the bf and his dad turn into a church parking lot.  Where they get yelled at for parking because it is for Church people only. They ignore the man trying to direct the traffic and park. I ask why are we parked here and the boyfriend tells me there is not parking at the school. I ask how could he know that we didn't even go to the school. Then his dad tells me all of the fields are closed and you can't see the fireworks from there. Which is opposite of the website.

So I get out and see a path that connects the church to the school. So I say oh we can just walk up that. They tell me it doesn't connect to the church it just looks like it does. So I go to investigate. I see that you have to walk for about 25 feet on a side road to get to the path that goes to the school.

So I go back to get my son and He is in his stroller and the boyfriend has laid down the blanket in some random desert. and tells me "Leave the baby in his stroller he cant sit on this blanket."

I freak out. Asking why he layed it down there. God knows what animals are in this area. He tells me that I am putting my sons life in danger by walking on that road for 25 feet and I cannot take him over to the school.

I make him get up. The blanket is covered in burs and I take my son and the stroller and head in the direction of the path. He follows me and his dad tries to intervene. "Lets just all sit in the car." I keep going. His mom follows me and the boyfriend does too I walk up to the school. There is lots of parking available in the parking lot. I get to the field and pick out the burs and watch the fireworks with my kid.

I HATE BEING MANIPULATED!